Bella's Letters
by PixiePrincess88
Summary: Some women write letters to their husband/boyfriend. Here are Bella's letters to Edward from various stages of their relationship.
1. Chapter 1

My Edward,

Holy crow! I can't believe that I can actually say that! You are mine! You…of all people…are _mine_! I know I'm rambling, which you seem to find amusing on a regular basis, but it's all so mindboggling. It's not even that you are a vampire; that has absolutely nothing to do with it. It's the fact that, as ordinary as I am, you found me worthy of your love. I cannot fathom how you find me desirable, but Mister, you better keep it up!

I know that it is ridiculous for me to be writing this letter to you; you and I spend nearly every moment together, but while you are hunting this weekend with Emmett and Jasper, I want to give you a glimpse of what's going on inside my head. I know that you can't read my thoughts, and I know that annoys you to no end, so this is my gift to you: a chance for you to see the unseeable.

Ever since we met, you have made me aware of myself in a way that I never knew was possible. Of course, when we met it wasn't necessarily the most endearing thing that you could have done. I've never been the kind of girl to go for perfume, but that day I was wishing for the most luxurious smelling perfume on the market; anything to get that grimace off of your face. Now, I'm aware of every heart beat, every hair on my head that moves in the wind, every inch of skin that yours comes in contact with. Oh, and the heart beat! I am so aware of when my heart behaves and beats normally, and when it doesn't behave and you have to keep me from fainting. I haven't ever dated before, but there have been people that I have cared about. Not one of them ever made me as aware of myself as you do. There are times when I cannot feel my heart beating until you look at me. It's the most exhilarating feeling in the world!

Something else you do is make me aware of how I affect you. No one else made me aware of that. I know that you are as loath to pull away from one of our kisses as I am, maybe more. I know that when we go to the meadow, you purposefully sit downwind of me so that when the wind blows you can get a stronger taste of my scent. I can see what it does to you, but not in the "I need to feast on her blood" kind of way.

I love you. I can't believe how much of me there is in those words. When I say that to you, I'm giving you all of me. I'm giving you everything that you cannot take for yourself because it might hurt me. When I tell you that I love you, or I need you, I'm giving it all to you. I will always love you. I will always need you.

So, love, enjoy your deer or mountain lion, but hurry back to me. It's so hard to sleep without you to hold me. First off, it gets way too hot in my room at night without you here. Second, I need you to protect me from the things that go bump in the night. I just realized how silly that sounded; when you are with me, I'm sleeping with the things that go bump in the night. I'm curling up next to them and begging them not to leave. And I am perfectly fine with that!

Forever yours,

Bella


	2. Chapter 2

My Beloved Edward,

Oh, God! You have no idea how much it hurts to say that…no idea. I can still hear you, you know? What you said… "You aren't good for me, Bella." NO! I can't go there. I'm sorry, love, I want to talk to you, but if I go there…it's not pretty. Well… I don't know…for you I think I could, but not very deep. You need to know what I'm thinking…you've always needed to know.

I haven't been well. When you left, I think a huge part of me died, the part of me that actually enjoys being alive. My brain, my lungs and my heart kept working, but nothing else did. It's pretty obvious that I didn't eat much; I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I know that I didn't really like doing that in the first place, but now it's much worse. I think this lasted for about five or six months… I can't really remember. All I know is that it felt like I was being ripped apart at the seams, and it was all I could do to hold the pieces together. Those damn pieces that couldn't even keep you here…wait! Stop! I'm sorry…I'm sorry. I want to tell you, you need to know. I don't want to hurt you, but if I can't tell you everything, then there is something wrong with us, as a couple. And I could always tell you everything.

So here's everything…I couldn't… no… I can't move on. Not like you want me to. I have a really good friend in Jacob Black, but even he, in all the ways he helped me feel somewhat human again, couldn't take my heart from its fortress. My fortress is you, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. You are all I need to survive…even now. Oh sure, I can make it from day to day, but that's not living…that's existing. I don't want to exist. I want to live. You are my life. I need you to live. "You don't know how long I've waited for you." That's what you said to me. So, how could I not be good for you? I don't understand! You told me I was your life! How can you walk away from your life! I thought you wanted to be among the living! Damn it, Bella, stop! I'm sorry…I'm talking to myself while I'm writing to you. I'm not mad at you. I couldn't be mad at you. I'd need to be able to feel something to be mad.

I still can't feel anything. I can't feel my heart beating. I can't feel happiness. I'm just numb. Wait…I lied…I can feel one thing. A calling. I can feel every part of me calling for you at the top if its lungs. I know…that's a horrible analogy, metaphor, mental image, whatever. All I know is that I need you. Every ounce of my being is yearning for you in a way that the greatest lovers of all time could not fathom. Romeo and Juliet make this need look like a grade school crush. There has never been a love like this before. You and I both know that. I. Love. You. I always will. Forever.

Hopelessly yours,

Bella


End file.
